Jai. 20. ISFJ.
BA Communications Graduate. BSBA Marketing Freshman. Baguio City. PH.

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Anonymous asked:

Mga poging bloggers?

dontaskhernamee:

Hahaha. Okay!

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Woah. Hello. Okay :))

Online Life: So far, so good.

Real life: asfkjgsahlwqhgowqghj. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON I CAN’T BREATHE </3

burnthepromise asked:

wow. your writing is amazing. i just started a new poetry blog and i would really appreciate it if you could maybe give me some feedback and let me know what you think?

Thank you so much! You don’t know how much those words mean to me right now. <3

I love the flow of your writing, and I’m a sucker for metaphors. I can see similarities with some of my favorite writers here on tumblr. Let’s keep writing and learn as we go :)

Check her out, people. ^_^

“You love words, so do I,
but you only know how
to use them for inflicting pain
rather than healing wounds.
Your sharp tongue cuts deeper
than the blades I use
on my forearms.
But I won’t stoop to your level,
I won’t retaliate with harsher words.
How can I do that,
when I used the same mouth
to make promises
of never leaving you,
so instead, I break these vows
and walk out.
These footsteps will be
the last thing you hear from me.”

"Para kang bata" (by Jai R.)

I was happier when the world made sense without having to make any sense, when I accepted its mysteries without question, when everything did not need to have an explanation. I could ask why, and the answer would be “you’ll understand when you’re older.” Well, I’m older now, and I both understand and do not understand the current situations I find myself drowning in. I get answers, but these answers require more questions, in a never ending loop of confusion. The complexity of life is taking its toll on me. I’m frustrated. I’m indecisive. I’m terrified. I’m trapped. The questions that require answering never come up with good results. Nothing makes sense to me, no matter how hard I try to understand.

“There’s a reason they call it a trigger,
the way it shoots straight
into your heart and into your head
with no warning,
no chance raise your hands
to yell, “I’m unarmed!”
It takes you like a hand
that grabs you by the hair
and plunges your head into
the toilet, over and over
with no chance to gasp for air.
Your mind becomes a cesspool
of unwanted thoughts,
your heart races faster
than the speed of sound,
and for a time, you’d be
sprawled on the floor,
desperately trying to recover
the sanity that was lost
trying to scoop up the blood
that has been spilled on the ground.
There’s a reason they call it a trigger,
just one small misstep,
one slide of a finger
and all the senses,
all that is rational
come tumbling down like dominoes,
crashing like a demolition.”

There’s a reason they call it a trigger (by Jai R.)

“If I were a tree,
I wish you would hold me
tighter and with more
warmth and care,
than soil ever could.”

– by Jai R.

I now know one of the things that triggers my anxiety. What would be worse is if I become paranoid and obsessed with trying to avoid it.

“You shouldn’t aim to be happy. Happiness depends on current circumstances. Aim to be fulfilled.”

– Overheard conversation at a cafe. How insightful :)

“When it rained, you wouldn’t
put up your umbrella, but
you bared your teeth at the clouds
with a grin, eliminating
the need for the sun,
you always wore white coats
with flowers embellishing
your chest pocket,
and your laughter came
with the sound of trumpets,
the same kind that accompanied
parades and fireworks.
But you were harboring
a funeral within you,
you bore the rain and
the darkness and the sound
of a bugle call in your chest,
your smile shattered like porcelain
when you could no longer take
another step basking under
a cardboard sun.”

You will be missed/Ode to Robin Williams (by Jai R.)

They say the left side is the best side of the face. Not for me though :|

Photos taken by talesoftheotherguy

My life so far

Finally, classes have started for me, and since I’m taking a new course in a different campus (but same school), everything is just so… lonely. It is the most honest word I can come up with. It’s the same feeling I carried around when I was a freshman (the first time, four years ago). I’ve grown so used to having my friends around during lunch, but now, every table I occupy is empty and silent. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel ashamed being by myself. I’ve gotten used to that quite some time ago. But I really wish I had some friends around.

So why not make new friends? Well, it’s a bit more complicated than just saying hi and asking someone out to lunch. Almost everyone has their own group of friends, and I just couldn’t intrude on anyone like that. I now understand what my friends meant when they shared their experience about what they went through after shifting courses.

Plus, I am one of the most socially awkward people ever. Enumerate all the things that I’m not, ‘sociable’ is on the top of that list, next to ‘tall’. And I won’t even talk about how I committed social suicide by walking around the school with a leaf on my head. Ugh. Kill. Me. Now.

Anyway, it’s a good thing my classes end early. At the end of the day, I still get to meet my close friends, who are either still studying, already working (or job hunting) or pregnant. I still get my dose of the familiar in a day filled with strangers. I’d go mad or depressed or both if I didn’t.

Oh, and my writing? There might be a bit less of that from now on, unfortunately. Three days in, and I’m already brain dead methinks. Yeah, I’m not happy about that either.

Well, this was the path I chose to take, and as early as I want to quit, I know I just can’t. I shouldn’t, rather. I entered this in hopes of proving something to myself and learning something new, and I’m not leaving until I’ve done that…

or at least until the semester ends.